Self-esteem is a major factor for the success of a marriage. It is the reason of success or the cause of the disaster of a relationship.
Self esteem exercises are ways that can help you improve yours and your partner’s self esteem that will eventually lead to a successful relationship and marriage.
First, lets do a quick analysis of the word Self Esteem. The word self-esteem is complex and consists of the words: self + esteem, esteem being appreciation, in other words I appreciate and respect myself.
Self esteem is the basis of a healthy personality. Many times, because of poor upbringing in a family environment, a person can have a bad notion about his character and skills, to feel inadequate, incompetent and a loser.
In the context of marriage the self esteem of both people is very important. Each partner should care about how to improve the self esteem of the other person. Weapons against the low self-esteem of our partner are our love and our acceptance. Stressing how remarkable person he/she is and showing our respect and our confidence in them, we essentially build on a daily basis the family environment that is demolished inside him/her.
Causes of Low self esteem in marriage
There are many indications, in the context of marriage that can help you understand if someone lacks self-esteem. The most common are:
- The childhood of our partner was full of parental rejection and ignorance or even worse he/she was a victim of physical violence.
- Our partner has a fear of opening himself to others and being himself, he is very 'sensitive'to others.
- Our partner is easily discouraged.
- Our partner has no self confidence especially when it comes to taking decisions.
- Our partner hardly admits his/her mistakes, always has the need to be correct and it is very difficult to forgive others for their mistakes.
- He/she likes to drive a lot.
- Often accepts the criticism of others.
- Our partner is a perfectionist.
- Has a very strong self-criticism
- He/she gets angry and upset very easily.
The first step to understand the reasons for having a low self esteem is to accept and recognize the fact that you have a low self esteem. Once you do this self-acceptance you will be able to find the reasons that lead to this situation.
As regards to marriage, there are a number of ‘laws’ that you can follow to make a marriage successful. These relate on what you can do to raise your partner’s self esteem so that he/she is confident and in position to help you raise your self esteem.
1. 'Give' in order to 'Receive'
Contribution is one of the most important components of a successful marriage. Before expecting to ‘receive’ from your marriage you should be in a position to ‘give’.
2. Mutual understanding
If you understand your partner this will make him/her listen to you carefully. Your efforts and proposals will be accepted if you partner feels that you make the effort to understand his/hers views and believes.
3. Patience
Usually within marriage we are seeking immediate results. We want to see the change yesterday, or even better now! However, contrary to our wishes, positive changes need time to develop.
4. Sowing first and then harvesting
What do you sow in your partner and your marriage? Time, creativity, encouragement and understanding; or do you sow self-centredness, anger, hypocrisy, negligence and impatience?
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10 self esteem exercises for a good marriage
Self esteem in a marriage is something that can be improved by systematic effort by the person itself and by the help and support of the significant other. Below there are 10 self esteem exercises that can be followed by a couple to improve each other’s self esteem and develop a more quality relationship between them.
1. The unconditional acceptance
The complete and unconditional acceptance is the most stable foundation to build the self-esteem. Without self estem, a marriage is left in the hands of our emotions that are a non-permanent element.
2. Forget the past
You need to adopt a positive and hopeful perspective against a background where your partner has proved inadequate. Do not always refer to the past and remind your partner for his/her failures. Forget the past and try to praise your partner’s skills and capabilities.
3. Be careful on what you say
It is unbelievable how much power is contained in the words we speak - what words we use and their effect on people of our environment. The words have the power either to destroy a healthy self-esteem and personality or to reverse the negative image that someone has for himself. In your mouth is''life''and''death''.
4. Be supportive in the difficult moments
Within the storms and problems of your marriage, instead of rejecting each other, it is better to build and support each other. Being supportive will not only raise your partner’s self esteem but it will also improve your self esteem because the feeling you get when you give is one of the factors that can make you feel better and make your self esteem better.
5. Free your partner from the feelings of failure.
Free your partner from the prison of "performance and results", with the gold key that says "freedom from the fear of failure". One of the most common reasons that may impact someone’s self esteem is the fear of failure. If you constantly criticise your partner about his/her failures then in the long run this will impact self esteem. Try to be supportive and do not always judge your partner based on its performance and results.
6. Say "thank you" more often
Paying attention to your partner and saying thank you shows your appreciation, love and commitment. It will not only make you feel good but it will also bring joy to your partner and feeling of happiness that can fight low self esteem.
7. Do the right think
The sincere praise for your partner's choices helps to adopt a lifestyle with obedience to moral principles.
8. Help your partner to develop friendships.
When you urge your partner to make close friends you give others the opportunity to show their appreciation to your partner, and to your partner the opportunity to prove that he/she is very important.
9. Keep life under your control
You should not act spasmodically, with feelings of anger, impatience, neglect and self-centredness but you need to take decisions very seriously, being focused in helping your partner to build a strong personality full of self-esteem. Problems will always appear in the way but you need to manage your life and also assist your partner to manage their life as well.
10. Discover dignity through the result
It is of great importance to invest in this objective - to build a better personal image for our partner - as this will help us to survive in the arena of life. Our dignity is proved by the result of our effort. Open your hands and offer love to your partner. By continuously turning to the failures of the past you are not helping to build a successful future. Negative thoughts make us feel like we have to assemble a high mountain and not a small hill.
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